Wellbeing

The 5 Texts You Should Never Send Your Partner

Whoever invented the text message needs a fist pump.

For phone-phobes like me who’d rather stick pins in their eyes than actually call, texts provide a real service. No more awkward silences and no long, drawn out conversations. They are so damn convenient – you can shoot a text off in the most inappropriate of situations, whether it’s in a meeting or on the toilet, you can have a cheeky flirt with more confidence and it’s quick and simple.

Even my 95 year old grandmother has become a (somewhat part-time) text fiend.

In fact for many of us, we’ve begun to rely on them as our primary mode of conversation. It’s all too easy to become anxious and obsessed with the speediness of replies, and hide behind the words we type to avoid confrontation.

Dating Coach Renee Slansky believes that while texts definitely serve a purpose, if they replace actual face to face communication, we may have a problem.

“Effective communication is what we strive for in relationships and you accomplish that with face to face personal interactions, through discussions, reactions and the presence of body language. While texts are great for certain situations, tone and intention can often be misinterpreted.” Renee says.

Here are her top texts to avoid sending your partner:

#1 The angry, hateful text

Most of us have experienced that emotionally angry outburst and let our fingers loose on phone keypads. Problem is, says Renee, when texting out of heightened emotion, we’ve generally lost control and it’s hard to take back those written words.

“Don’t forget circumstantial actions have a long term effect. If you’re angry, it’s best to turn off the phone to avoid regret. Go and recharge, chill out and only turn the phone back on when you’re feeling more rational.”

#2 The alcohol fuelled text

How many times have we cringed the next morning re reading our long winded out pouring of emotions after a bottle of Prosecco? Whether it was an angry outburst or a gushing “10 reasons I want your babies” essay, nothing good comes from drunken texts.

“The truth often comes out when drunk and not always in the right way. Not only will it be distorted and amplified with emotion but your reaction to the ongoing conversation will be a mess,” Renee says.

#3 The sext

I know – you’d think sexts were up there on the “must send” list. Not necessarily. While sexts are good to get passion ignited, it’s about picking your moment and being appropriate. Can you imagine your partner giving a presentation with all eyes on him when beep beep… there you are in all your naked glory? Slightly awkward perhaps. Unless he’s into that kind of thing during those important moments.

Renee suggests making sure both of you are comfortable with it, and to discuss situations where sexts are a no no.

#4 The dismissive or passive/aggressive text

Writing texts that consist of “K” or “whatever” is just plain disrespectful and shows a “can’t be bothered” attitude, Renee says. “These kinds of texts show such a lack of respect for the other person where they might feel rejected, inferior and angry all at the same time.”

#5 The unproductive text

A reminder for the wordy among us: keep it simple.

“While writing what you feel down may make it clearer, always keep it concise and to the point if you want to keep your partner’s interest.” Renee advises.

I’m no dating expert but I reckon from day one, making sure you and your partner are on the same texting page is essential. Understanding the ways in which you both express yourself with your phones can stop all that over sensitivity, anxiety and expectation.

So go forth and text! Just do it with respect and understanding. And not while you’re driving down the Hume Highway.


A published freelance writer from print to online, Katy’s passion is honest authentic writing. From the mundane experience to a sensational observation, Katy always finds a way to voice what she sees. Relatable and quirky, she writes with warmth and familiarity. She also loves lists, matching socks and edamame beans. You can find her on Twitter @whatktdidnextfw and Facebook.