Wellbeing

How To Break Up With Someone

If you’re reading this right now, chances are you’re gearing up to break up with someone. Maybe it’s been one or two dates and you’re just not feeling the attraction, or perhaps after a while of dating it just doesn’t feel right any more.

Obviously the reason you’re ready to end things varies, but one thing always stays the same: breaking up is uncomfortable and awkward. There are some steps you can take to make the process a whole lot easier, to ensure the breakup is done respectfully and with minimal hurt.

#1 Consider how long you’ve been dating

How you break up with someone depends on how long you’ve been seeing each other. If it’s only been one or two dates, a simple phone call or text message is a totally OK way of ending things. It’s as simple as letting them know you can’t see it going any further and wishing them the best. Done!

Any reasonable human should be fine with that exchange and honestly, it saves the awkwardness. Imagine going on a second date and who you’re seeing starts dragging out a super long breakup over dinner… no thanks.

The point in time where it becomes unacceptable to break up with someone so casually can be a bit blurry. Ultimately it should depend on whether or not the two of you have decided you’re in a relationship or have alluded to any kind of exclusivity.

Think of it like this: if you’ve told them at some point you don’t want to see other people, you’ve also got to tell them you only want to see other people. And if you’re “in a relationship”, then talking to someone in person is the best policy.

#2 Don’t ghost them

Look, whether or not ghosting someone is ever OK may be debatable, but if you’re going to be a dick, own it and at least flick them a text with some kind of explanation.

Because let’s admit it, being broken up with over text sucks, but being ghosted is definitely worse.

#3 Be to the point

Don’t dance around the subject. If you’ve decided to end things, end them and be sure you emphasise the point of finality.

Breaking up with someone is undeniably awkward, and in the moment your words may become twisted while trying to spare their feelings, but don’t leave the breakup with plans to catch up next week over dinner. That is not a breakup.

#4 Honesty is the best policy (to a point)  

When ending things with someone, you kind of have to give a reason, but how do you do so without hurting their feelings?

As cliché as “it’s not you, it’s me” is, it may help the other person to accept what you’re saying. Letting them know that you just aren’t looking for a relationship right now might soften the blow.

However, if there is a pretty clear reason why you’re not into them anymore, it might be best to just come clean. It’ll be uncomfortable, and it may hurt their feelings, but giving them the reason the relationship failed for you might help them consider how they’d go about things differently in the future… even if they become super salty at you in the process.

#5 Give them space post-breakup

Post-breakup it’s best to allow things to cool down, and avoid contact for a while, especially if you had been seeing each other for some time.

If they’re hitting you up with texts and calls, ignore them. If you feel the urge to give them a buzz, don’t. I’m not saying that you can never be friends with your ex, but give it some time. There’s nothing healthy about filling that void with someone who is no longer yours.

Breakups are scary, but it’s best to face them quickly, honestly, and sensitively. It may hurt more at the time, but you’ll both be better for it in the end.

(Lead Image: NBC) 


Bradley is a writer from Newcastle who enjoys travel, Tina Fey and is a connoisseur of cheap red wine.