10 Ways To Look Busier Than You Actually Are At Work

Whether it’s Friday at 3pm or 9am on a Monday, sometimes you just don’t feel like working. Ha, but remember that contract you signed? Yeah, that one that states you’ve gotta be at work every bloody day – this is your life now.

Not all hope’s lost though; there are ways to look way busy at work while doing the bare minimum. Obviously I have never done any of these (pls don’t fire me, lol) but you should give them a red-hot crack if you’re trying to coast through the week ahead while doing as little as possible.

#1 Frantically switch tabs while sighing dramatically

Nothing says ‘oh man I am bu-sayyy’ more than cracking your knuckles, and violently clicking through the 40 tabs you have open with a disgruntled look on your face.

Doesn’t matter if all the tabs are blank, nobody will tell if you click fast enough. Add to the façade by under your breath, muttering the words, ‘busy, busy, busy’, just loud enough for your colleagues to hear.

#2 Fake phone calls

What makes you look more important and busy than pacing around the workplace aimlessly? Doing so with a phone in your hand.

Leave your colleagues shook by staunching around the office shouting phrases like, “let me check my schedule…” and “did you ask Carol? You know I am too busy to be answering these questions, Greg”.

#3 Let people know how busy you are

If anyone asks you to do something, ask them to send you a calendar invite. Let hem know you’ll try and ‘move some stuff around’ and get back to them soon.

#4 Write stuff down

In a world slowly approaching a robot and machine conquered state, writing stuff down is the epitome of importance. If you own a pen and a notepad or post-it, you’re half way there. Start intently staring at the piece of paper and write whatever.

A series of numbers is my go-to, it could literally mean anything and numbers usually indicate serious stuff.

#5 Put your headphones in  

Putting your headphones in is the universal sign that you don’t want to talk to people. Why? Because you’re too dang busy with all this ‘work’ you’ve got, that’s why.

When people try and get your attention, you can just roll your eyes, take out one ear bud and ask, “What is it? I’m slammed at the moment”.

They might think you’re being rude, but will ultimately respect you, because you’re so busy.

#6 Make a statement with your keyboard

Typing really loudly is synonymous with busyness. You could always just opt for typing random words: dishwasher, purple, Amanda Bynes, shoes, rainbow, yes.

Or, if you’ve run out of words to think of you could always dim your computer’s brightness very low and just mash a bunch of random keys.

#7 Keep stationery with you at all times

Carry a binder or papers with you when you’re away from your desk. The papers can be blank, and the binder empty, but so long as they’re close by at all times you better believe you’re looking busy.

It’s also a good way to get away with non-work related chat. While the notes in your hand may indicate business chat you can really be talking about cute pictures of dogs you’ve seen lately.

#8 Run everywhere you go

Make your way around the workplace with urgency. It doesn’t matter if you’re going to the lunchroom, to a meeting or to the bathroom – sprint.

#9 Punch random numbers into a calculator

As stated earlier, numbers are important. If you have a calculator, you can combine the importance of numbers with the urgency of typing loudly by doing some very important equations. What’s 9 + 10?

#10 Make a trip to the printer

Who still prints stuff? Busy people, that’s who. Find some old expense forms, or literally just google ‘important file’ and print whatever comes up first in images.

Watch your colleagues look up in awe as you walk sprint back to your desk with a warm piece of paper fresh out of the printer — the true feeling of success.

Again, I have done none of these (srsly, don’t fire me).

(Lead Image: Parks and Recreation)

Bradley is a writer from Newcastle who enjoys travel, Tina Fey and is a connoisseur of cheap red wine.