8 People Confess Their Most Embarrassing Stuff Ups
You’re not the only one to fail. As Paul Kelly sang, ‘I’ve done all the dumb things’. Here, 8 people tell TEGAN REEVES their best failure stories.
Someone recently took me aside and told me how she likes that every time she is feeling a bit sad, or has done something a little bit silly, I tell her how I have done something ten times sillier or worse, and it puts everything in perspective for her.
Here are some of the life fails I’ve managed to achieve in the last year: wearing yesterday’s undies to work hanging out the leg of my trousers. Getting a blood nose on someone while making out with them. The list goes on.
To help us all get a little more perspective I asked a few of the people around me (including my own grandmother) to share with me some of their own failures. Bookmark this article, and if you’re ever feeling sad, just have a quick read and you’ll be feeling better about yourself in no time.
I was at the hair dressers, keen for a new look to spice things up. The night before I had taken several screenshots of possible hair style choices, wanting to give off the vibe that I knew what I wanted. Confidently, I showed the pictures to my hairdresser, who’s attention was fixated on my iPhone screen. I accidentally scrolled too far past my selected shots and ran into the nude to end all nudes that I had sent to someone the night before. I was shocked and didn’t react quickly enough to hide my exposed self, so there would have been a good 3 seconds worth of my hair dresser gazing into an intimate part of my anatomy. Things were a bit stunted after that, but it was still a good haircut.
Vera (my grandmother)
Everyone thinks that old people have never done anything stupid! Why is that? I was on my honeymoon and we were driving somewhere. I can’t remember where, but that is not important after what happened. Bill (my husband) was driving and asked me to light his cigarette for him. Being a dutiful new wife, I obliged even though my hands were full. I held the match between my teeth and struck down with the matchbox. Unfortunately I managed to inhale at the exact same time as the match lit and I ended up with third degree burns to my nostrils.
I’d been living in London for three months and was struggling to find a job. Finally I got a job interview. On the day of the interview I managed to set my alarm for 10pm, instead of 10am. I woke up five minutes before the interview was supposed to start. I’m not sure why, but the first thing I did was panic call my mum who was back in Australia. I ended up sticking my head out the window to catch the traffic sounds and calling the office where I was supposed to be. I told them I was lost, and would be there in half an hour. They must have believed me because I got the job.
I once congratulated a client on her pregnancy. Turned out that she wasn’t pregnant, and it was her business partner who was. Then a week later I sent her an email containing a rather important report I had written for her. Instead of attaching the report, I accidentally attached this video.
When I was doing my driving test, I hit a dog, and killed it. I literally had to pick up a dead dog from the road and carry it back to its owners house. Somehow, I passed the test and got my license.
I was in a relationship for about 18 months. Things were great for the first 12 months but started to go downhill after that. In my first relationship naivety, I thought I could make it work, mostly by ignoring all the signs that things weren’t going well. One afternoon at his house, we started talking about our problems. I asked if he wanted to do this anymore and he said he didn’t. The conversation continued for a while until his mum came home and we decided to get juice. I thought – I’m in the clear here, no one breaks up and then goes and gets juice together!
We didn’t speak much for about a week and I remember thinking maybe he just needed some space (really clinging to the idea that it was all going to be fine). Then one night I messaged a friend of his to see where he was, and the friend replied “I’m sorry to hear what happened with you guys,” I replied “what do you mean” to which I received “he said you guys broke up last Tuesday.” My juice theory was incorrect and I had in fact been dumped.
My juice theory was incorrect and I had in fact been dumped.
I was working at McDonalds (wasting my teenage years in a fast food chain was bad enough, but the story gets worse), and it was an outrageously busy Summer day. Soft serves were flying out the drive through window at record speeds (no seriously, they actually measure the speed of hurling ice cream at customers), when disaster struck. We ran out of Oreo pieces. For the next hour I endured abuse being hurled at me from customers, all because they couldn’t get their Oreo McFlurry fix…until I found a bag of Oreo’s hidden in the storeroom. Customers cheered. I was now a town hero. As I was refilling the Oreo dispenser I managed to knock it somehow. 50% of the oreos fell on the ground. The other 50% fell into my cleavage.
There is nothing sadder than a pubescent teen blinking back tears while trying to serve cheeseburgers with a bra full of oreo crumbs.
Tegan Reeves is a Wollongong based freelance writer who isn’t afraid of oversharing. She writes for Beat magazine, BRAG magazine and is always up for a Fleetwood Mac singalong.