The Telltale Signs That You’re A Garbage Human
Have you ever left the house forgetting to put on deodorant? Ever neglected your laundry to the point where it becomes a trip hazard? Ever put the new toilet roll on the vanity instead of replacing the old one? Congratulations, you’re a disgrace.
Look, we’re all a little bit trash from time to time – it’s kind of unavoidable. But that doesn’t mean you should just lean in to terribleness and become an actual filth monster.
Unsure of whether or not you’re a garbage human? Let’s be real, if you need to ask, you probably are… But nonetheless, here are the common telltale signs that you’re a garbage human, and what you can do to become less trash.
You’ve not been to the dentist in some time
Going to the dentist can be like pulling teeth (ha, get it?) but just has to happen. We get it though… it’s just one of those things you can neglect or forget to do.
Even if it’s been a few months, or even years, think of it this way: if you leave it any longer, it’s just going to get worse. Bite the bullet, book an appointment and get your teeth checked, stat.
You “forget” to pay back your friends
Honestly, there’s no excuse here. If you’ve borrowed money from a friend, pay that shit back.
It’s not their job to remind you, so just make note of it to avoid the uncomfortable conversation. And if your friend does remind you, be prompt to pay it back because you may just be leaving them in the lurch.
If you’re in an icky situation where you can’t pay it back right away, tell them that. It’s better to just deal with a situation like this when it arises straight way, rather than just ignoring it and pretending it never happened – trust us.
You always cancel plans last minute
Being the friend who is unpredictable and flaky is cute, until it isn’t.
Like yeah, sometimes we change our minds last minute and just don’t feel like hanging out anymore, but if you’re incessantly bailing on your friends, you’re going to become wildly unpopular really quick.
You chew with your mouth open
The only excuse acceptable for choosing to chew with your mouth open is being a toddler, or having some kind of breathing problem where your nose is out of action. If you’re a full-grown adult who is walking around chewing like a cow, you’re a garbage human.
If you seriously can’t grasp the concept, here is a how-to on chewing with your mouth closed. For the love of god, please check it out. For you but alos, more importantly, for us.
You never call your mum
When was the last time you called your mum? We’re all guilty of it, but we reckon you can spare just ten minutes a week for the woman who fed, sheltered and cared for you for the first 18 years of your life. Not to mention giving birth!
When you’ve finished reading this, call your mum and tell her you love her.
You steal your housemates’ food
There’s a special place in hell for people who steal other people’s food.
To be real, we’re all guilty of it. A pinch of salt here and a clove of garlic there all comes out in the wash – no harm done we say. But when you’re pinching avos, prepped lunches or items of more value, it can become an issue.
If you don’t remember buying it, chances are it’s not yours. Go grocery shopping, you gronk.
You don’t give older passengers your seat on trains
One day you’re going to be old, your joints will be sore and you’ll need seating on public transport a little more than others. Today is not that day.
When on public transport, we tend not to pay much attention to our surroundings, but be sure to look up from your book or phone from time to time and check that there’s not someone who needs your seat more than you.
This is gross, reckless and not cool at all. Stop being lazy trash bags, or we’re calling the police.
There you go. Want to be less of a garbage human? Start by not doing all of the things on this list!
(Lead Image: Inside Amy Schumer)
Bradley is a writer from regional NSW and he didn’t come here to make friends, he came to win. He tweets infrequently to his 43 followers @bradjohnston_.