Moments When You Realise You’re An Actual Adult
I’m over 18. I’m technically deemed an adult, but keeping my inner teenager at bay is a full time job. Sometimes I actually forget I’m old enough to be trusted behind the wheel, look after children or be employed in a job other than McDonald’s.
Am I a total fraud? I’m an adult-y type person on the outside (complete with a few too many laughter lines), but an absolute mess of a human inside who doesn’t understand superannuation or interest rates and has a desire to belt out random Bon Jovi songs whenever the feeling takes over.
And there’s the giveaway right there. Bon Jovi. I am an adult. Shit.
If you’re in confusion (or denial) over this adulthood business, here are a few clues to help you decide if you’ve crossed over to the dark side; a place they call maturity.
#1 Sturdy matching Tupperware gives you butterflies
When you can’t handle old Pad Thai takeaway tubs masquerading as real Tupperware you know you’re on a slippery slope. I now own real, store-bought, durable containers that are my pride and joy. I cherish them like kittens.
God help any flatmate that uses one for their work lunch and never brings it home. I’m on the brink of a sign in and out sheet.
#2 The word “party” is prefixed with “dinner”
House parties of old used to consist of randoms dropping in and raiding my 40% alcohol spirits, puking in my garden and the obligatory noise complaint from the neighbours. I’d wake to bodies littered over my sticky, beer stained carpets and wonder where my dog was.
Today I get excited by a group of mates hanging out over a spag bol playing Cards Against Humanity. Alcohol is still involved, but its classy alcohol. I realise I know who everyone is and they even help clean up before leaving at a reasonable time. And importantly, my dog is content in her bed, without painted neon nails.
#3 Finding the perfect fabric conditioner/ washing powder combination is high on the list of priorities
This one keeps me up at night. Either the fabric conditioner doesn’t compliment the detergent’s aroma, it doesn’t smell like new born babies whatsoever or you find the right smell combo but cleanliness suffers.
It’s a stressful and expensive task getting the right ratio.
But before I was an adult I used to turn my clothes inside out and spray them with air freshener, so.
#4 Paying bills before the due date includes a fist pump and possible Facebook status update
That feeling when you’re so on top of your shit that you know when your bills are due and even pay them weeks in advance is something we should all aspire too.
Forget massages and comfort food, if you want to feel good about yourself, look no further than a prompt direct debit bill payment.
#5 Band names aren’t what they used to be…
How many times have you uttered, “OMG the original was so much better”?
Only you probably didn’t say OMG, as you’re an adult. I’ve caught myself saying this to tracks that are only ten years old. Now that’s an issue.
What’s also a recurring theme as you adult is getting band names wrong. Not drastically, just a little off, like The Black Eared Peas.
#6 Birthday presents are based on “need” rather than frivolous “wants”
You should be pissed off when you get that new non-stick saucepan. But ask yourself, are you really?
I find myself rubbing my hands with glee as I tear off the wrapping paper to discover an unmouldy, uncrusted, sparkly kitchen gadget.
And don’t get me started on what happens to my insides when they match.
#7 Household duties are now undertaken with pride
In my “childish” years, it wouldn’t be uncommon to find a toast crust rotting underneath the sofa, or find a community of ants had taken up residence inside that stale packet of chips in the pantry.
Now my home is my haven. The weekly bed linen wash gets me tingly; how good is it climbing into bed with soft, unstained, matching sheets that suffocate you with their air of superiority?
I also use an iron, which is quite adult as a standalone practise but here’s the twist: it’s not just a paperweight. I actually use it to iron clothes – and not just the bits you can see, but the whole item.
#8 You’re waking up at the time you used to go to bed
This is especially grown up when it’s a Sunday morning, and you realise you have a full day ahead of you to actually get shit done. This was unheard of in previous years; in fact Sundays didn’t exist in my 6 day week.
#9 You ask yourself important questions
With age and wisdom comes insight and a real need to ask essential questions. Here are just a few you may find yourself asking:
“Is it cold? Will I need a jumper?”
“Do I need that glass of wine? No thanks; I have to get some work done tomorrow.”
“Should I jump those last two steps of this staircase for no reason and subject myself to a possible cracked sternum? Nah.”
Adults think. Kids do not. Simple.
#10 You go grocery shopping with coupons
When you actually save supermarket receipts to snag yourself a great deal on life insurance or dry cleaning, I’m sorry, you’re an adult. I’ve also been known to actually time my weekly shop to coincide with the 2-for-1’s I’ve seen advertised in the supermarket ads.
A published freelance writer from print to online, Katy’s passion is honest authentic writing. From the mundane experience to a sensational observation, Katy always finds a way to voice what she sees. Relatable and quirky, she writes with warmth and familiarity. She also loves lists, matching socks and edamame beans. You can find her on Twitter @whatktdidnextfw and Facebook.