20 Passive Aggressive Email Responses And What They Actually Mean

Since its inception back in 1972, email has revolutionised the way we communicate, especially in the workplace. There are a loads of pros when it comes to email: it’s fast, reliable, easy and you can do it from anywhere in the world, so long as you’ve got an internet connection.

There are some cons though when weighing it against IRL communication. How do you gauge how someone’s actually feeling through text?

Well, for your convenience we’ve decoded some of the most common email responses to discover what they actually mean.

#1 “Regards.”

I don’t like you.

#2 “Kind Regards.”

Wow I didn’t know it was humanly possible to hate someone so much.

#3 The use of emojis

I’m actually two babies in a trench coat. Shh.

#4 “Cheers!”

I’m not like a regular colleague, I’m a cool colleague.

#5 “Thanks for your time.”

I’m legit eternally grateful for you helping me right now. Pls don’t flake on me because my job probably (definitely) depends on it.

#6 “Yours truly.”

I’m totally overcompensating right now for the fact that I am not very good at my job.

#7 “Yours faithfully.”

I’m either a lawyer, a doctor or am taking my job way too seriously. Also, I’m low-key worried my boss is lurking through my e-mails so I’m trying to come off super profesh.

#8 “Awaiting your reply.”

Whatever you’re going to send me is useless because I needed it yesterday, but thanks.

#9 “Sorry to bother you again…”

I’m not sorry. Be better at your job.

#10 “Let me know if you need any assistance.” 

If you respond to this email, I swear to god I’m gonna lose it.

#11 “Sorry for the delayed response!”

I was busy doing literally anything else.

#12 “Thanks in advance.”

I am begging you. Please. Help. Me.

#13 “I look forward to hearing from you.”

Girl, if you do not get back to me by 5pm I will make it my personal mission to ruin your life.

#14 “Happy Friday!”

I don’t really care what’s going on. I’m just praying the bar across the road is fully stocked because Mama will be paying them a visit real soon.

#15 “As per my last email”

Boy, you better believe I am keeping receipts, and I’m not afraid to go all Kim K and expose you. Try me.

#16 “I’ve just looped in my colleague…”

I just need somebody else to see how completely incompetent you are in a final bid to maintain my sanity.

#17 “In an effort to maintain clarity”

Whatever you did just now, stop it.

#18 “Hi! I’m out of the office until…”

I’m better than you, and I know it.

#19 “Per our conversation this morning…”

I’m taking this to email because I’m really sick of having to talk to you IRL.

#20 “xoxo”

I’m an actual crazy person who has no sense of boundaries.

There you go! If you were ever wondering what your colleague actually means when corresponding via electronic mail, now you do. What you do with this information is completely up to you! Go wild.

(Lead Image: Parks and Recreation) 

Bradley is a writer from regional NSW and he didn’t come here to make friends, he came to win. He tweets infrequently to his 43 followers @bradjohnston_.